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why does your current advertising campaign hate the english language?  “Let’s Holiday the Season”?!?!?!  does your ad company not actually know the difference between nouns and verbs?  what dim fuckwit signed off on this crap?

unless you are specifically targeting the semi-literate to unliterate demographic, i’m going to assume this will be corrected.  once you realize what a horrible, horrible crime against language you’ve committed.

shit, that’s never going to happen, is it?  fuck you, i’m going to the home depot then.

or does the design of mccain’s political propaganda resemble the label of mccain potato products just a bit too much?

regardless, every time i see one of his ads, i wind up with a craving for fries.

hey kids, it’s two-for-one day! we also examine recent spots for…quaker oats bars! kids love them, apparently. there have been a string of these, all fairly similar. kids play (somewhere) and then you see the quaker oats guy (aka william penn), cast in incrediably unlife-like painted plaster, standing with a tray full of cereal bars. every time they show his statuesque visage, they also play very odd, high-pitched laughter.

intentional message: your kids are safely in the hands of strict, colonial-era religous sect. feel free to ignore the little beasts.

unintentional message: none, really. these commercials just creep me out. i think it’s the weird laughter. seriously, quaker oats guy is creepier than giant-headed, smiling burger king guy.

wal-mart comes under the gun today. our scene is a barbeque competion in memphis. as the judges are announcing the winners, a tastefully generic family (dad, mom, unisex child) walk on, pushing a wal-mart cart. the man inspects one of the grills that a competitor had used to cook his barbeque. satified that it is, indeed, a grill, he pushes it off screen, family in tow. no one at the barbeque competition seems to notice. we fade to message claiming that wal-mart has the things you need, at the “wal-mart price”.

intentional message: wal-mart carries authentic items, used by authentic people in authentic situations. not just cheap crap that no one but a cheapskate would bother to purchase.

unintentional message: if you like something, steal it. preferably while the owner is distracted.

unintentional meta-message: see, wal-mart’s prices aren’t just low because they employ illegal aliens. they also get their stock from hijacked trucks.

today’s example is a PSA against smoking pot (something i’m actually fond of myself, so i may be biased here). this time, you can actually watch it! the clip is called “dog“. most of ads from this group tend to be pretty good, as they don’t use the “scare the fuck out of kids with lies” tactic. instead, they simply let you know that smoking lots of pot will motivate you to do little beyond sit on the couch all day and play video games. we’ll not get into the cause/effect thing here.

anyway, the recent message has be pot changes your friends (into grateful dead listening, bongo drum playing, tie-dye wearing hippies! no? just into kids who look like they stayed up till 2am, watching bad movies? okay.) and keeps them from doing fun, non-drug related things with you. this one carries the same theme, only it slips in an unintentional message. why? because the lecturing, lonely friend is some teenaged girl’s dog. onward!

the ad: a tastefully typical teenage girl comes home from school, drops her books on the counter and procedes to grab a soda from the fridge. her dog saunters in behind her, hops up onto a stool and then gently reprimands her for her smoking of the evil weed, as she no longer plays with him. but if she wants to, he’ll be outside. she intially looks confused, cause her dog is talking to her, but then collapses into sorrow as she reflects on the loss of puppy love.

the intentional message: smoking pot will keep you from playing with your dog. since dog is man’s best friend, this also keeps you from your best friend. see! drugs are bad!

the unintentional message: holy fuck! if you smoke enough kind bud, you can talk to your dog! that’s awesome. pass me the bong.

which message wins? you decide!

this may or may not become a semi-regular feature. depends on my mood. anyway, onwards.

there seems to be a bunch of commericals out there, sending unintentional and somewhat negative messages about the product in question. i don’t have a link to today’s subject, but you very well may have seen it. it’s a visa check card commerical, and features a kindly, yet ill zookeeper. since he is stricken by what seems to be a common cold, the zoo’s elephant takes his card and picks up medicine, chicken soup and a blanket for him. then the elephant and a monkey nurse their beridden master back to health.

what’s wrong here?

intended message: look how quick and convienent this card is! you don’t even have to swipe it, cause of the smart chip!

unintended message: holy shit! anyone can use my card, since there is absolutely no ID verification! look how easy it’d be for someone to rob me blind!

now, it could be that i’m cynical, but the unintended message is the one that sticks in my head.